The lyrics from a Sheryl Crow song says it well, "No one said it would be easy, but no one said it'd be this hard." I knew that motherhood wasn't easy, but I really didn't expect it to be as hard as it was for me the first few weeks. I had been warned that the hormonal changes after giving birth can be hard, but I figured I would be able to handle things okay if I was prepared for it. But I know now that there's no way to prepare for all the emotions that go through you when you get your baby home and realize that you have no idea what you're doing, but you better do it right because this helpless little human is counting on you.
I had also been warned that the third day was the hardest. I can now testify that that is the gospel truth. My third day coincided with my milk coming in, my not having caught on with the whole nursing thing, my son having not eaten or had a messy diaper for about 12 hours and a doctor appointment to check his bilirubin level. I began crying as I started to get ready for the doctor appointment and I didn't stop until I was all cried out at the end of the night. I cried when we were driving to the doctor's office. I cried as I called the clinic to find out his bilirubin count. I cried when they told me his bilirubin count. I cried as I checked in with the receptionist at the doctor's office. I cried as I tried to fill out paperwork in the doctor's office. I cried as we stood in the exam room at the doctor's office (I had to stand because the chairs were wood and it hurt to sit). I cried through the whole exam as the doctor told us that his bilirubin was so high that he needed to be put on lights immediately and that I needed to make sure he ate every two hours no matter what. I cried because I should have already known that he needed to eat every 2-3 hours - even if he'd rather sleep. I cried when the nurse came to tell us that a light table would be delivered to our home in the next few hours. I cried when the nurse gave me a hug and told me things would be okay. I cried because I knew things would be okay, but I couldn't get myself to stop crying. I cried when we left the doctor's office because I couldn't decide where we should go to get a quick lunch. I cried when we got home and I tried to nurse my son and he just wouldn't latch on. I cried when I had to figure out how to use my breast pump. I cried while my son was given a blessing. I cried when my mom called me. I cried when my sister called me. I cried when they both came over to see if I was okay. By the end of the night I didn't have any tears left and my eyes were so puffy I looked like I had some kind of allergic reaction to something. The next few days got slowly easier. I had better control of my emotions and my son's health improved. He was able to be taken off the lights after two days and he started nursing shortly after that.
It took a few weeks to get on a schedule and figure out my new life. My son is thriving and I love to spend time with him. Even as I type this he's cooing and talking and is as happy as can be. He's so chubby now it's hard to remember how little he used to be. I've gone back to work part time until the rest of my FMLA leave runs out. And my new life is good.
I guess what I really want to say is that I have a whole new appreciation for all those mothers out there. You make it look so easy. And I just pray everyday that I can be the best mom I can be for my son. The transformation will continue, I'm still learning.
Now, for the important part - cute pictures of my little boy!
These are pictures from the baby blessing, he was about one month old.
Pictures of him at 2 months old. He's a lot more smiley now - so cute!
7 comments:
Oh dang Karen he is TOO dang cute! I'm sorry he had such a hard time with jaundice. Taryn had a problem with it, I cried a ton too mostly because I wanted to be home (she and I-because I was nursing her-had to stay in the hospital for 4 days!). You just want to be home and enjoy new baby experiences without all the drama. But guess what? There's no such thing! From now on it IS all fun and games, Enjoy it. You are a wonderful mom. I'm so happy for you! Miss you girl!
Karen he is the cutest boy!!! I have three boys and they all come with there different challenges, somehow the sun comes up everyday and you keep going. My first two where angel babies and my LAST turned 9 months old and he is still a challenge. You are doing great, and it sounds like you are the best mom ever!!!
Karen! I was like that with my first one too, but it all gets better, and its all worth it. There is no one on earth that could be a better mother to that adorable little boy than you, hang in there, this time (the first year) goes by sooooo fast. Your a great mama! And he is simply beautiful
Oh what a cutie pie. Being a mother is the hardest job I've ever had. I had a similar situation in the begining, baby not eating and emotionally a wreck but it does get better in many ways with time. But there will always challenges. You'll just get over one hurdle and then on to the next.
I almost cried reading this! Sympathy horomones I guess...yep still having them 7 months later, fun stuff! Then I had to laugh cause it's the only thing you can do after. He is so dang cute and I am so happy for you! I'm sure you are a great mom, hang in there!
Ok, Clete didn't actually post a comment...haha, that would be funny!
_Jenny
He is so cute! I keep meaning to visit you, but now that I'm not working anymore, there isn't any reason to really go to Provo. I hope all is well and continues to go well!
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