Gratitude

I totally skipped over Thanksgiving without posting and now it's nearly Christmas. I wanted to make sure I posted at least once more before the year ended.

Do you read this magazine?

A couple years ago I decided I would try to read this magazine every month. I also started reading the Friend magazine every month because I used to be in the Primary Presidency, now I read it because I have a baby boy. Anyway, reading the Ensign every month has been a real blessing for me. I came to find that no matter what I was struggling with, there was an article in there that helped me, gave me direction, or gave me peace. It is a wonderful thing that our church provides and I recommend getting a subscription, and then actually reading it when it comes - and not just the Presidency or Visiting Teaching message. I make it a point to read this magazine first, before I browse other magazines I receive.

In this month's issue the Presidency Message was about choosing to be grateful and was written by Henry B. Eyring. One quote I liked:

"It is a challenge to count our blessings because we have a tendency to take good things for granted. When we lose a roof over our heads, food to eat, or the warmth of friends and family, we realize how grateful we should have been when we had them."

I am so guilty of this. I am not grateful enough for the things I have. I am constantly looking for something else to make me happy instead of being happy with the things I have now. I tell myself things like, "I'll be happy when I lose the baby weight." or "I'll be happy when Jonathan finds a better job." or "I'll be happy when Junior starts sleeping for ten hours straight" (does that ever happen?!)

I am never saying to myself "I'm happy right now." This means that I am rarely truly happy and satisfied. That's not to say that I sit around being grumpy all the time, but I just find myself constantly thinking about things I want instead of just being happy with what I have. I remember times when I have felt that kind of happiness, but for some reason the older I get the less satisfied I am with my life. Why is that? I'm working on figuring that out and I'm working on being more grateful for the things I have. So, as part of the battle I'm going to talk about a couple of things that make me truly happy and that I am grateful for.

1. My Savior - Jesus Christ

I couldn't do a post about gratitude without including Jesus Christ. I love this time of year because I'm reminded of Christ in almost everything. I love listening to music that talks about his birth. I love hearing stories of Christ and reflecting on his life and his atonement. I am truly thankful for his miraculous birth and his perfect example. I would be nothing without his atonement. I am thankful for his love for me, for his willingness to give his life to save mine.

2. My husband - Jonathan.

He is wonderful. I'm so thankful to be his eternal companion. I'm thankful that, even though I have to go to work four days a week, he is home with our son taking care of him and being a great dad. It makes me so happy to hear him talk to our son in the morning. And to see Junior smiling huge for his daddy. It makes me so happy to see how happy Jonathan is to be a dad, he really loves our son and he's just wonderful with him. And I'm thankful that he can cook and clean and be a great support for me.

3. My son - Junior

He's such a good baby. He's super happy and smiley. He sleeps pretty good, about 6-7 hours a night at a time, then another 2-3 after being fed. He makes me so happy and it's hard to leave him and go to work, but it's wonderful to come home to such a sweet boy. After waiting so long to have a baby I feel like I hit the jackpot with him and I feel so lucky to be his mom. It's fun to watch him grow and develop and I can't wait to see what kind of a person he turns out to be.

There are many, many more things I am grateful for, but I know that as I focus on these three things I will have no want for anything else.

Since I'm not that great at posting, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Loves!
Karen

The New Me

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been going through a transformation of sorts; like a caterpillar that transforms into a butterfly. At least I hope this transformation means that I become something better than I was. In the last 12 weeks I've gone from pregnant wife to mother of one. It's a pretty profound transformation.

The lyrics from a Sheryl Crow song says it well, "No one said it would be easy, but no one said it'd be this hard." I knew that motherhood wasn't easy, but I really didn't expect it to be as hard as it was for me the first few weeks. I had been warned that the hormonal changes after giving birth can be hard, but I figured I would be able to handle things okay if I was prepared for it. But I know now that there's no way to prepare for all the emotions that go through you when you get your baby home and realize that you have no idea what you're doing, but you better do it right because this helpless little human is counting on you.

I had also been warned that the third day was the hardest. I can now testify that that is the gospel truth. My third day coincided with my milk coming in, my not having caught on with the whole nursing thing, my son having not eaten or had a messy diaper for about 12 hours and a doctor appointment to check his bilirubin level. I began crying as I started to get ready for the doctor appointment and I didn't stop until I was all cried out at the end of the night. I cried when we were driving to the doctor's office. I cried as I called the clinic to find out his bilirubin count. I cried when they told me his bilirubin count. I cried as I checked in with the receptionist at the doctor's office. I cried as I tried to fill out paperwork in the doctor's office. I cried as we stood in the exam room at the doctor's office (I had to stand because the chairs were wood and it hurt to sit). I cried through the whole exam as the doctor told us that his bilirubin was so high that he needed to be put on lights immediately and that I needed to make sure he ate every two hours no matter what. I cried because I should have already known that he needed to eat every 2-3 hours - even if he'd rather sleep. I cried when the nurse came to tell us that a light table would be delivered to our home in the next few hours. I cried when the nurse gave me a hug and told me things would be okay. I cried because I knew things would be okay, but I couldn't get myself to stop crying. I cried when we left the doctor's office because I couldn't decide where we should go to get a quick lunch. I cried when we got home and I tried to nurse my son and he just wouldn't latch on. I cried when I had to figure out how to use my breast pump. I cried while my son was given a blessing. I cried when my mom called me. I cried when my sister called me. I cried when they both came over to see if I was okay. By the end of the night I didn't have any tears left and my eyes were so puffy I looked like I had some kind of allergic reaction to something. The next few days got slowly easier. I had better control of my emotions and my son's health improved. He was able to be taken off the lights after two days and he started nursing shortly after that.

It took a few weeks to get on a schedule and figure out my new life. My son is thriving and I love to spend time with him. Even as I type this he's cooing and talking and is as happy as can be. He's so chubby now it's hard to remember how little he used to be. I've gone back to work part time until the rest of my FMLA leave runs out. And my new life is good.

I guess what I really want to say is that I have a whole new appreciation for all those mothers out there. You make it look so easy. And I just pray everyday that I can be the best mom I can be for my son. The transformation will continue, I'm still learning.

Now, for the important part - cute pictures of my little boy!

These are pictures from the baby blessing, he was about one month old.

 Pictures of him at 2 months old. He's a lot more smiley now - so cute!

Meet Jonathan Jr.

He's here!!! Our little Jonathan Pili Saluone, Jr. arrived at 7:34 a.m. on Wednesday, August 24th. He weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was 20.5 inches long. He is adorable! We are so happy to have him in our lives.

Here he is in the nursery getting checked out. He loves to have his hands by his face.

 Here he is at about 1 day old, what a sweet angel :)

 He's home!

 His mommy loves him!

 He loves his binky.

 He was a little jaundice so he had to be on the lights for a couple of days, but he's all better now.

 Here he is at one week old. We sure love this little guy!

 Go Utah Utes!

Today's My Due Date!

Today's my due date and no baby - so far. I have been in a fair amount of pain today - more than ever before - but I don't think it's bad enough to be REAL labor pain. I'm just waiting patiently for our little boy to arrive. Hopefully he comes sooner rather than later. I'll keep you posted...

Another Baby Update

No, I haven't had the baby yet. I just thought that I should give an update since this baby is coming soon and I probably won't be posting a ton afterward.

So, I am now 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Technically the baby could come any day and he would be fine, which is a relief. I really feel like I will still be pregnant on my due date and who knows how long after that. But I am feeling okay, relatively speaking. I am huge (still haven't posted pictures of my belly, maybe one day...), I have swollen ankles and feet, I use the bathroom about every 2 hours, and I'm tired all the time. But other than that I feel great. The crib is set up and the baby's room is pretty much ready to be lived in so if I had Baby J tonight, it would be all right.

The rest of our house is coming along. The cabinets are installed, the new flooring is in and the walls are painted. We still have some finishing touches in the kitchen and some things to take to DI, but hopefully by this weekend it will all be taken care of and I can post pictures of our newly remodeled home. Of course, you know how great I am at posting pictures...

In other news, Savannah had a baby boy on July 7th. He's adorable and I can't wait for our boys to be best cousin-friends.

Jonathan is still looking for a better job in the construction field, so if you know of any in Utah County, let me know. Also, prayers on our behalf are much appreciated!

Baby Update

Hello everyone, I know it's been a while. All is well with us and baby. I am now 29 weeks and starting the third trimester. It's becoming apparent that yes, this is the most uncomfortable stage and I know it's only going to get worse. You can see from the ticker over there --> that I have 70 something days left. At any given moment I am happy about this and terrified about it. Sometimes I can't wait for my little boy to arrive so I can hold him and cuddle him and just love him to death. Then I think about the state of my home and all the things I want to accomplish this summer and I think, maybe time can slow down a little, that might be nice.

On the top of my list is finishing the kitchen/living room remodel (that began in 2007). We are getting bids and picking out cabinets, flooring, countertops, etc. This is the main reason I want the time to slow down, so we can actually finish all the remodeling before the baby comes. We also need to buy a crib and get the baby's room set up.

In other news, Jonathan finally graduated from UVU with his Bachelor of Science degree in Construction Management. I am SO proud of him for accomplishing this daunting task. He worked so hard to finish early and it feels so good for him to be done. Now we just need him to find a management position somewhere - pray for us!

Hopefully I will get some pictures posted soon. I still want to post some ultrasound images and I do have pictures of my huge belly for you to gawk at. I don't want to make any promises about when that will actually happen, but someday it will.

Also, Randy and Kim had their baby girl last Wednesday. She is Grace Ann Cluff and I'm so excited to see her and hold her this weekend. I can't wait for our babies to play together!

Free Infertility Seminar

I thought I would take a break from all our baby excitement to spread the word about the Utah Infertility Awareness seminar. Jonathan and I went to last year and it was really helpful for us. We won't be attending this year (obviously) but I thought I would try to spread the word for others out there who may be struggling with infertility. It was very informative and helped me to open my eyes to the fact that I wasn't alone and that I did need help. The best part about it was that it was FREE! There are only a few spots left so spread the word quickly. You can register by going here, or learn more about the seminar by going here.

And The Gender Is...

We had our ultrasound last Friday and everything went well. We saw the brain, the heart, the kidneys, the arms, the legs, the feet, the belly, the face and the little BOY part. We are really excited and now all my anxiety about having to come up with a girl's name can wait until the next baby. I'll try to post some of the ultrasound pictures later. Now we just have to start shopping and getting ready for a little Jonathan Jr.!

Baby Update

I had another doctor's appointment last Friday and everything was good. I'm sure it's normal for me to constantly worry about miscarrying, but hearing that heartbeat on Friday was SO comforting. And I'm coming up on 17 weeks which means my next doctor's appointment will be the ultrasound - YAY! On April 8th we will get to see our little one on the black and white screen and find out if he/she is developing properly and if it's a boy or girl. We are so excited! Jonathan wants a boy (of course) but I don't care either way. My sister-in-law, Kim, is having a girl in June and my other sister-in-law, Savannah, is having a boy in July so either way our baby will have a cousin the same age and gender, fun!

About 2010

I know what you're thinking: "It's about time!"

This blog has been woefully neglected for pretty much a year, but I hope that will all change. At least I've changed.

I have to be honest, 2010 was not my best year. I started out the year with high hopes, but then the realization that I would be turning 30 moved in and stuck around until way after the candles had been blown out.

I felt like a failure. I felt like I turned 30 with absolutely nothing to show for it. No bachelor's degree, no real career, no money, and worst of all, no children.

I lived my day to day life, but I didn't enjoy it. I lost my will to do anything productive like crafting, cleaning my house, and blogging. I guess I just didn't see the point anymore. I felt like I had nothing good to say so I stuck with the photos of specific events that happened - if I was lucky to remember to take photos.

I know, this is really depressing, but that's how I felt for a long time. It wasn't until the fall that I started to feel better about things. Jonathan was closer than ever to finishing school and I finally decided to make some decisions about our infertility.

Oh, did I mention I'm infertile? You may have already guessed that, but I'm making it official. Jonathan and I had been trying for about 3 years to get pregnant, but it just wasn't happening. And I was frustrated with the doctor's explanations because all they would say is, "everything looks normal." Not really what you want to hear after years of unsuccessfully trying to have a baby.

So we decided we would see a specialist. I think that is what really made the difference for me. Instead of just hoping and trying and praying and hoping and trying and praying, we were doing more. After talking to the doctor we formulated a plan. The doctor put me back on clomid for 3 months. I wasn't hopeful about it working since I had already tried it, but it was the first step. We also decided the next step if the clomid didn't work, and in case nothing worked, we started investigating foster care. It was time for us to do something about becoming parents.

The plan made me feel like I was in control of my life and brought me out of my funk. We started taking the foster care classes in December and that made us feel good too. We liked the idea of helping kids who really need help and being a positive influence in their life, as opposed to adopting a newborn infant. Things were working out according to plan, or so we thought.

The foster care classes forced us to make major changes to our home. The second bedroom in our home had become the catch all for everything office-y and crafty, and it was FULL! So I took some time off work the week of Christmas and we got down to the business of cleaning out the room and getting rid of a lot of stuff. The day of our last foster care class was one of our major cleaning days. It also happened to be a day or two past my normal cycle. So I took a pregnancy test, just like I had a thousand times before.

This time was different.

I stood there and watched as a faint line showed up next to the much darker control line. This was new. I had never seen a pregnancy test look like this before. So I got Jonathan to inspect it with me. I got more and more excited thinking that it might actually be positive, but it was hard to interpret, and Jonathan was skeptical about the results. He also didn't want me to get my hopes up too much in case it was a false positive. So I took another test - you know, cause I buy them in bulk - and it was pretty much the same - dang those dollar store pregnancy tests! Then we decided that we would stop at the store after our class and get one of the expensive digital tests so we would know FOR SURE. All night long I couldn't stop thinking that I might actually be pregnant, it was really hard to concentrate in the class. But the class let out and we were able to get the digital test and hurry home to take it.

This test took much longer to get the results and it was agony. But then something magical happened: the word "Pregnant" appeared. I couldn't stop smiling, like a huge, goofy, uncontrollable kind of smile. Jonathan just said, "I can't believe it says you're pregnant." He was sort of dumbfounded about it. But he still wanted to be extra sure so the next day I called the doctor's office to see if they could do any kind of more accurate testing. They told me that they usually accept the home pregnancy test as being accurate and scheduled me for an appointment in the 8 week range of my pregnancy.

We were still so shocked at being pregnant that we didn't want to tell anyone for fear of jinxing it, and because miscarriage was a total possibility. So we waited. All through Christmas and New Years we waited to tell anyone. I had my first appointment and everything pointed to the fact that I was pregnant. Since I had been on clomid the doctor ordered an ultrasound to find out if we were having multiples. Having that ultrasound was the most amazing and comforting feeling. Being able to see that there was, in fact, a baby (only one baby) inside me and the baby did have a heartbeat, it was amazing.

The weekend after the ultrasound was my mother's birthday so that's when we told the family. I bought a picture frame for each set of parents and put a paper inside that said something like "Baby Saluone's photo goes here: Due date August 23, 2011." It was great to see the tears and surprise and happiness from everyone's reaction. It's still surprising to me sometimes.

So 2010 turned out to be not quite as bad as I first thought. And really, I wasn't seriously depressed - no medication required! But it was a hard year, and one I hope I will never forget. It was the year that I realized that I didn't need a whole list of accomplishments to feel good about my life. I was blessed in so many ways, a loving and caring husband, a good and stable job, a home of my own, loving family and friends, knowledge of the gospel, a calling in the primary, the list goes on and on. And it was the year I found out that we were finally going to be the parents of a baby of our very own making.

So, Hello 2011! You promise to be quite a year.

And by the way, we are still finishing the foster care process. We will just have a lot more to think about when they call to place us with one or two children. When the time comes, the Lord will help us decide.